08/13/22

I don't exactly know what to write here, if I'm gonna be honest. Not much has happened in the last week. I really haven't consumed anything, or done anything I'm exactly happy with and I don't really wanna talk about school right now so I'm kinda stuck in a rut on what to write about, the only thing on my mind right now is like, how much I hate my school but I don't wanna keep being negative in all my posts, that's lame. After this week though I feel I'll be better. I think I'm in a mental rut because I literally haven't done much to warrant any dopamine reactors in my brain to go off, which from today forward I'm gonna set a precedent that I have to watch something every single day, from now on. Why? Watching things is fun, so of course I wanna watch stuff. It'll help calm me down as I've been feeling so stressful these last few days, so much so that I found my first white hair! It's on my wrist and it sticks out very much, I didn't expect to find it so soon and it being on my arm was surprising, I was expecting to find it somewhere in my hair but I'll take my arm honestly. I am so absent minded right now, give me a second to collect myself. Oh, we got school computers already and out of all the websites blocked, a few I really like aren't. Those websites being Discogs, RateYourMusic, Letterboxd, Kprofiles and Tetris, so of course I'm going to be excited about that. I devised a plan to spend all days off just finding things to watch and listen to because I really enjoy doing that, if other stuff isn't blocked I'll find that too. I recently downloaded a Kamen Rider Kuuga manga I haven't gotten to reading yet but I might soon because I really really love Kamen Rider Kuuga and want to read and consume more of it. I also haven't consumed any Godzilla media either, I tried watching Godzilla 2000: Millennium but I got too distracted and sleepy so I turned it off, though it seems to be a really promising movie, I really liked what I watched, I was planning on finishing it the next day but unfortunately never got to it. I think I've been stressed out going from doing nothing to all of this, but it's all one day at a time I suppose. I know it'll get better, and I believe it, but it's all so stressful at the moment. I really don't wanna cause more stress on myself by existing like I already have. I'm listening to Nujabes right now, more specifically Latitude (Remix) from his 2003 Metaphorical Music album, it's really beautiful. He was such a great producer and it really shows, this is making me want to cry, it's so moving and all that junk. I've been listening to music more, I haven't really talked about music here other than the radio show and even then I don't say much but I've been listening to a lot of Yung Lean and Drain Gang recently. I really enjoy their sound, it feels really relaxing and I love the outlook of life being doing whatever, best demonstrated on the track Trip from Stardust. It feels spiritual, being free from whatever, and I wanna live by it. It's really positive and it makes me happy. I'm not exactly sure if that's what they're going for but it's what I believe and it really works, that and the sound is genuinely incredible. I played some Sonic Forces last night and it's becoming a little frustrating, there's frequent parts of the game where there's so much stuff on screen that I genuinely don't know what's happening or where I am, or the speed doesn't feel right, or the platforming feels really impossible. This game, for what it is, is flawed all the way but it's fine. It feels like Sonic Team was having an identity crisis and put this out, it's fascinating. Did I ever talk about my character in Sonic Forces? If you weren't aware you can personalize your character in Sonic Forces so I decided to make mine a female wolf, not much to mention after that but it's cool to see you can play as your own character and sometimes tag along with Sonic, it's fun, I named her Rookie because that's what the characters refer to the characters as, and it fit so I kept it. I love Sonic, so so much. Writing this brought my spirits up, so that's cool, I'll forever be indebted to this blog, and I'll never stop writing for it, I just get so stressed some days and I don't know what to write so I don't, which is why there's always gaps in-between posts, if I had it in me to write every single day I would do it in a heartbeat but I can't do that unfortunately, though maybe in a few years that'll be the case. I have a vaulted post from a few days ago that I'm probably not going to post because it's too, negative? I was hating on my school for 90% of my post and I'm trying to limit it here because this is supposedly my happy place, it's Ruby's world, it's really the perfect place, in my eyes. Though, with that being said a lot of that post's topics bled into this one, so I really don't see the point in keeping it around, maybe I'll drop it in April of 2023 for the 1-year anniversary, God that's so close isn't it. I can't believe I've been running this for this long already without giving up, that's impressive. After this post I'll try my best to be in higher spirits though, which I hope it works and it will because I know it will, I'm pretty confident about that. This post feels so short but it's the best I can do at the moment.I feel better than I did before, so I'll catch you guys in the next one. See ya.