School Rambling

NOT A BLOG POST

i feel like, im not really sure actually. ive been here for nearly 2 hours and my stomach is rumbling because i didn't eat breakfast, i never do so it's not out of the ordinary that my stomach kind of hurts. i arrived here and already there's a problem, the wifi doesn't flat out work, which would've been fine if it was in the morning but now it's the entire day, so i really can't do much until it's fixed and i don't feel like it's going to really for now, because that's how this school is at least. it's not fun, frankly. being here is making me reminisce on last year and how i miss it, im not sure how the rest of the year will turn out and that's kinda scary, to the point where i almost felt like crying last night. i feel like an emotional mess at the moment, which probably helped me write a poem which ill include here at the bottom. i really miss last year, just, something about it was magical, i was mentally at my worst though, and the people i associated with then all hate me now for various reasons and i know ill never befriend them again, which i need to get over, and im only halfway there. i had a lot of friends last year that aren't here anymore, and i wonder what they're up to nowadays, but it's the start of a new year so im going to treat it as such, so everything is a living nightmare essentially. im not really stressed or nervous, i just really miss summer already, staying up at 3 am to download a sonic game or some various movie from Japan that ill get to in a few months, or just doing a ton of research about random things. i stated before i was gonna learn japanese but decided against it, because that's just too weeb for me. im really lost right now, mentally and physically, but in good news, the old bus is back and i get home at like 3:30 now instead of 4:30 like last year, which caused so much stress on my end id rather not ever deal with it again. im hoping some change doesn't happen. i have a class this year im going to change and im hoping to, earth and space science, it sounds fun in theory but i know it's not, and the teacher is kinda boring, so im going to change it. they started talking about dress code and absences and how they're gonna be more enforced which doesn't bother or affect me in any way, but after last year it makes sense, nothing was ever done about what was going on, so it felt pretty good to have those in place i suppose. it's only an hour and 22 minutes into the new day, im hoping everything gets better at some point. i really wanna go home and i miss having wifi so much. i know that sounds stupid but what else am i supposed to do, i might download twitter again at some point this month, though probably not, i hate that website and only used it for kpop content which is elsewhere, it was just easiest to download there then it would be just to wait some more hours. i feel awful right now. very awful. but at least ill have service soon at least so i can get something done at school for the most part. i miss my friends, i haven't seen many in months, so i hope i see them today or maybe tomorrow, or have lunch with them. there's so much going on in my head, so it's a little hard to type what i wanna say without other things getting in the way, i feel good i finally wrote something creative today, it's been a long time so being able to helps a lot with my creativity, hopefully better ideas come from it. im lowkey just typing at this point to pass time until class is over. they not rid of a period so the classes are longer but no one knows the times we get out. i have coding next period (as of typing) so i hope that's fun, it's in the same hallway as my a/v class (which i have next semester) so i know the teachers there already, at least i think it's the right class im thinking of. i have to write down my schedule, so ill do that. ill write some more later if i have anything to say, probably not though, so ill include that poem i was talking about, i hope it's good. some time has passed and im going to switch a class, probably 2. i have coding and it's fine but i have the same teacher twice in one semester which ughhhh, it's whatever though, but earth and space science im changing asap, i really don't like this class and on top of that, there's no reason to be in here and some people that hate me are in here and it's best if i get out, nothing here is interesting and frankly i just can't be bothered to learn about this stuff. im hoping i can switch 2nd with a/v 2 or 3 again and im hoping i can switch out of earth and science, i don't really care with what but to just get out. they also cut journalism which is class they never implemented so i can't do that at all which suuuucks. i should get home earlier though, which is the most important part. im done writing, no wifi, no technology, no classes i fully enjoy. this is not gonna be as fun as i thought, though i hope things are good by next week, which they should be, if they fix the wifi but i don't trust the school to do anything that would help it, because of course they won't this school system sucks. im out, ill write a blog post tomorrow if i feel like it. disappointing first day.

First Day 

It's the first day of school

Filled with anxiousness 

Tremble tremble tremble

Desolate, on my own

Nothing here feels as real as it should

Deep down I'm filled with an undescribable feeling

All pain has meaning except this

Deep dark somber

- Ruby Onoculum