05/02/2022

Well, it's the start of a new month, so that's some type of excitement. I've spent yesterday under a lot of self examination after recent events and I still don't know what I should do in order to self improve, it seems obvious right? Like it shouldn't be this hard to figure out what's needed. It's really not though, that's the thing. I know what to do, but I don't really wanna do it because I don't wanna change although change is absolutely needed. I don't know why I don't want change though, I know it's going to help me but I just don't wanna change. It's strange, my mind is all over the place right now though, sorry, not much has happened over the last few days and I need to type something here in order to feel at least some type of accomplishment here, which is surprisingly easy, it takes one thing and I'm rambling about some topic, which is good for me and my mental health. Having the ability to talk about whatever you want is great, typing or not, the only requirement is having someone listen or read but that's because what's the point if there's no one on the other end? At that point it feels like you're yelling into a void with a chance of a response and none happening, it's super frustrating when people obviously don't care and it just sucks because it's common among people I know in real life, as well as people whom I'm closely associated with too. I've taken into account I probably need to just stay off social media for a bit, but I don't know how to engage with that as most of my days are spent browsing various websites like Twitter or Instagram, so it'd be incredibly hard to detach myself from any of it, which is probably why I'm not willing to partake in any type of self improvement because it means I'll be away from things. It's no surprise that I use Twitter for one thing though which is k-pop, I'm also there for friends but in general I just use it to keep up with the groups I'm into, like LOONA or Rocket Punch for example, so I guess I'll keep Twitter but only for those 2 things. It's not that I'm inherently depresses, it's just that it comes out a lot of the time, which sucks but it feels like I can't control it anymore, although I know I can. Everytime it happens it just kinda gets worse, somehow, and I've noticed it too. The only reason this happens though is in my control and in my responsibility to change, which I should do but I never want to do. Also the depression also happens everytime I play GTA V? Yeah, for some strange reason, everytime I play that game in particular I get an overwhelming sense of dread and sadness, hard to say why but it happens when I'm usually driving around with a Spotify playlist playing so that's probably why, because often I get sidetracked and start thinking about other things and end up on something depressing and it just begins, which is quite unfortunate as it's one of my favorite games, and it's fun to play. I'm sure one day I can control myself to not feel that way, but I can't say for right now it's going to happen anytime soon. It's going to get better soon, I have a feeling it will, and it's up for me to choose what happen, you're really in control of what happens in life. So, something interesting happened Friday, I'm not going into the specifics because honestly it's just stupid and dumb but I got accused of something so outlandish and something straight out of a 2007 comedy sketch by Tim And Eric that if you thought of it for a total of 2 nanoseconds it would sound not true, especially if you know who I am, which this person apparently did not and then when I tried to explain that it's simply not true they wouldn't really hear me out because they thought it was real. Imagine having a normal day and then you get accused of something so stupid that it's automatically untrue and then the person accusing of you won't even listen. It's really great, I love that this is all happening. To top it all off, that person came back less than 2 minutes later after and said "if you don't stop, you're going to be on my bad side". Really? If that's all you have to say then I'm just gonna laugh at you. Sorry but you really don't sit someone down, and tell them some outlandish claim then tell them if they don't stop you're going to be on their bad side. I'm fairly convinced it's a comedy sketch because there's no way someone actually told me this information and not second guess anything, that's just, literally not possible is it. It's safe to say I won't be talking to this person anymore, and thank god they're a senior so they won't be around next year. God, this entire blog post has been such a downer, let's talk about something more positive, Godzilla. Yep, it's time to ring your Godzilla mention in the post bell, it's going off the charts this time because, and wait for it, I FINALLY FINISHED THE SHOWA ERA FILMS. This is really exciting because I've been waiting for this moment since I picked up the movies again, it wasn't bad! I enjoyed it a lot and a lot of the movies were pretty great, and it's awesome to see where the films got their start and the natural progression of the effects, which I'm super excited to see where it goes in the future, the Heisei Era looks Incredibly good, but that's because I have an obsession with 90s Japan, everything about it is so intriguing to me, like the aesthetic of the anime released, the music, the culture, economy, just everything about it is very interesting to me. 80s Japan is cool and all but I personally feel that 90s are better. Anyways, back to what I was saying, I have about 17 Godzilla films left, and I might get through it for the rest of the month, although I wanna watch some other movies I've been wanting to get to, one of those movies being Audition from 1999, it looks really interesting to me and I like the plot. I'll watch it tomorrow most likely, as I have tomorrow off, on purpose this time. I'm sorry for not talking about Godzilla much, I'm saying this to myself by the way, I feel I would have more to say but it's just not coming out, but that means that possibly, possibly, it's telling me to talk about something else. Anyways, I have consumed nothing but Japanese movies, so the plan for tomorrow is to watch one Japanese movie, that being Audition, and three American ones, just to balance out my Letterboxd, then I resume the Godzilla films after that, I plan on doing this for all the eras, as it gives me a good divide, and allows me to not just stay committed to something. Another idea is that I can watch Audition tonight, and watch 4 American movies tomorrow, just an idea I'll most likely do. My mind is slowly being consumed by Godzilla, and I'm here to live for it. I'm really stoked for summer because I can get out of school really, and have some time to myself, and it might be the final summer I'm able to do nothing because after that I'm going to be an adult with responsibilities, which, ew, not waiting for that in particular, I know I'll adapt well to it. I don't really wanna drive so that's a main problem, when I need to drive to get places, which is absolutely stupid when public transportation is an option but the government doesn't want to do anything for it's citizens, but that's another rant for later, or not at all. A new k-pop group debuted today, and one I've been excited about since March, which are Le Sserafim, it's a stupid name but the music is mind-blowingly good, and their first mini is called Fearless, check it out when you have the chance, it's super worth it. Before the group debuted there was some controversy with one of the members which just sounded really funny to me, which was that specific mention was an anti of one of her members, and the other list of claims sounded like typical high schooler behavior, which was fun to read about. I'm not sure if what said was true, as the company kind of just said "oh that's not true" and nothing else, I mean if they are or aren't I don't see the issue, the music's good and worth a listen. I'm excited to see where they go though, the mini-album was great, and they have a lot of potential. And a few past Iz*One members are in the group too, so that's something. What other topics can I write about, hm. This isn't particularly important but I shave finally, which felt great because I hate facial hair with a burning passion, so being able to get rid of it feels great, and I like having a smooth face, definitely motivated me more to do other things, which hopefully work. There's nothing else to mention for me, I was surprised to make a post this long over stuff that didn't happen much. I'll see you guys in the next post, have a good one.